I Heart You

One of my favorite meals to make is potato leek soup with jalapeno biscuits.  It’s been awhile since the weather and my schedule cooperated for this endeavor, but this Thursday, I had the time and the day was chilly, so…  While I was rolling out the biscuits, I happened to also be listening to Adele 21.  I don’t know which it was – the Adele, or the rolling pin – but I thought about Simone, my niece, who died two years ago last month.

Simone loved to sing, and she loved to bake. Five years ago, when she lived with us for a time, she baked a rhubarb pie and spent some time on the crust, adding a heart detail on the top of it.  A couple months ago, I thought about that pie and said to Kami, hadn’t that been wonderful, and rhubarb pie was my favorite – and Kami said, “Mom, she made that pie for you.”

I am pierced by this memory. It is one of the harshest thing I know, the way we humans sometimes completely miss each other, and how sometimes we don’t get to come back and try again. I carry that now, and it fuels my efforts; I try not to miss the signals of those who are still here. I fail at that more than I’d like. Perhaps that’s what regret is for: to use our sorrows about the past to shine more awareness on what we still have a chance to love today.

  1. Dee Packard said:

    Yes, indeed. All of us miss each other more than we know. At the speed we go, of course we do!
    Real cooking seems to me to be the slowest thing in the world,e.g. making little hearts in
    pie dough. That makes it a subversive act in this culture. Makes me want to get right
    in the kitchen.

  2. I loved that pie. Yeah, it’s hard knowing that we miss so much and sometimes there’s no going back.

  3. Tina said:

    Rhubarb forever. xo

  4. tom said:

    I also cherish these “moment memories”. It gives me the feeling my loved ones are still nearby. tm

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